Monday, January 10, 2011
Screw you Biggest Loser . . . .
So I watched the season opener of the newest Biggest Loser. This one has the catch of how there are two new trainers. This caught my interest for, although I can either do with or without Jillian, imagining a Biggest Loser without Bob is something inconceivable.
So, I watched with due earnest, waiting to see how these two new trainers were compared to the staples of the show.
So, I figured, like most people, these silhouetted figures would be revealed. Now, I did watch this episode on only 4 hours of sleep. I watched the first 30 minutes and woke up to the last 45 minutes. They showed the weigh in of the group that worked with the other trainers.DANG! I missed the new trainers!
So, I rewound the about hour of showtime I missed. And as for the identity of the new trainers, they are . . .
Yeah, no idea. The producers have decided to not show who these new trainers are, what the work outs were like, what their personalities are . . . . NOTHING!
I don't like you NBC . . . . and as for you new trainers . . . . . I better see you next week!
So, I watched with due earnest, waiting to see how these two new trainers were compared to the staples of the show.
So, I figured, like most people, these silhouetted figures would be revealed. Now, I did watch this episode on only 4 hours of sleep. I watched the first 30 minutes and woke up to the last 45 minutes. They showed the weigh in of the group that worked with the other trainers.DANG! I missed the new trainers!
So, I rewound the about hour of showtime I missed. And as for the identity of the new trainers, they are . . .
Yeah, no idea. The producers have decided to not show who these new trainers are, what the work outs were like, what their personalities are . . . . NOTHING!
I don't like you NBC . . . . and as for you new trainers . . . . . I better see you next week!
So apparently I'm not famous yet . . . .
So, in the meantime, let's think about how the drug dealers in America can easily get out of the business if they branched out into the most recent drug to paralyze America. I mean by this- Facebook games. For some people, it starts with something so simple and light like Farmville (the true gateway game). Then in an effort to fill in the time when they're waiting for their crops to grow, the simple Facebooker gets dragged in deeper.
The virtual farmer branches out to become a virtual mobster or a virtual vampire. At the point, the person who just joined Facebook to tell the world when they're drinking a Coke Zero, or what they think about the most recent episode of the Jersey Shore, has to come to Facebook every free moment of their day to take care of their farm, mob family, or vampire guild. Then, to fill in the time that is left empty by these games, they branch out to bigger and more enveloping things like Cityville or something even more mind numbing like Tower Blocks.
I decided to see what all the fuss was about. Here's a break down of how a free day ran:
9:00 am- Harvest strawberries. Plant watermelons
9:15 am- Accept neighbor request for Frontierlandvilleplace.
9:17 am- Clear trees, kill rattlesnakes, scare off bears.
9:45 am- Visit farm to check on crops
9:47 am- Begin to drop blocks on top of each other.
10:00 am- Become bored with dropping blocks. Head to check on Philliesfan mob.
10:45 am- Completed several missions, put a horse head in someone's bed, call up the spirit of Don Corleone to determine next moves.
10:50 am- Go back to dropping blocks because cousin-in-law has beat your score.
And so on, and so forth. Next thing I know, my fingers hurt from repetitive clicking and it's 6PM, I have nothing thawed out for dinner, and it looks like I'll have to cover my clothes in cologne since I haven't washed them at all. And all without the hangover effects of drinking too much or that blah feeling you get the next day from smoking too much pot. (Not that I've ever done either of these things before . . . .)
So, if there are any dealers out there, tired of living in their 1970's apartment with their 83" television, and want to upgrade to a 1990's built apartment and TWO 83" televisions, get a degree in computer programming and get an even bigger clientele. And if you do happen to do that, name your first game after me.
The virtual farmer branches out to become a virtual mobster or a virtual vampire. At the point, the person who just joined Facebook to tell the world when they're drinking a Coke Zero, or what they think about the most recent episode of the Jersey Shore, has to come to Facebook every free moment of their day to take care of their farm, mob family, or vampire guild. Then, to fill in the time that is left empty by these games, they branch out to bigger and more enveloping things like Cityville or something even more mind numbing like Tower Blocks.
I decided to see what all the fuss was about. Here's a break down of how a free day ran:
9:00 am- Harvest strawberries. Plant watermelons
9:15 am- Accept neighbor request for Frontierlandvilleplace.
9:17 am- Clear trees, kill rattlesnakes, scare off bears.
9:45 am- Visit farm to check on crops
9:47 am- Begin to drop blocks on top of each other.
10:00 am- Become bored with dropping blocks. Head to check on Philliesfan mob.
10:45 am- Completed several missions, put a horse head in someone's bed, call up the spirit of Don Corleone to determine next moves.
10:50 am- Go back to dropping blocks because cousin-in-law has beat your score.
And so on, and so forth. Next thing I know, my fingers hurt from repetitive clicking and it's 6PM, I have nothing thawed out for dinner, and it looks like I'll have to cover my clothes in cologne since I haven't washed them at all. And all without the hangover effects of drinking too much or that blah feeling you get the next day from smoking too much pot. (Not that I've ever done either of these things before . . . .)
So, if there are any dealers out there, tired of living in their 1970's apartment with their 83" television, and want to upgrade to a 1990's built apartment and TWO 83" televisions, get a degree in computer programming and get an even bigger clientele. And if you do happen to do that, name your first game after me.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
An oldie but a goodie . . .
Copied from my initial post on http://iggysplayhouse.wordpress.com, I proudly re-present the rules for my favorite game: Lead the Idiot Around the Parking Lot.
So how do you play, you ask? Its quiet easy. Pick the parking lot of your favorite shopping establishment at a relatively high traffic time. For me, its my local Walmart.
Go in, buy one or two items and exit for the entrance that’s farthest away from where you parked. Now, with bag of items in hand, grab your keys and start wandering around looking for your car like a lost lamb.
The object is to get as many cars as you can to follow you to what they think is a close parking spot. Score yourself 10 points for each car that follows you. Add one point for every spot they follow you past as you look for where you parked. 20 points for any aisles they follow you to. 100 points if you get them to flip you off, scream at you, or have them offer to drive you to your car.
To make it more fun, play it with a friend . . . or make it a family event!
Procrastination of things
So this week I have successfully typed up seven different posts.
Well, let me re-phrase that . . . .
This week I have successfully typed up the beginnings of seven different posts. As for finishing them . . . . well, here are a couple of possible reasons for what happened:
1) I wrote this in-depth post about the existence of God being proven by the amount of blue Skittles in every bag you buy from Walgreens but not Walmart when the space time continuum was torn asunder and Dolph Lundgren rode in on Battle Cat, causing my computer to shut down.
2) I was creating a step by step guide on how to survive the next zombie invasion (which will be available on podcast sometime this year) when I decided, 'Eh, eff it, I'd rather have a Tastykake'.
3) The Gnu Zoo review was coming right at me.
There are about 100 bonus points for the first person that can properly explain the last reference.
In the mean time, I will take the title of 'bad blog poster' and make up for it during my version of the weekend.
Til then . . .
Well, let me re-phrase that . . . .
This week I have successfully typed up the beginnings of seven different posts. As for finishing them . . . . well, here are a couple of possible reasons for what happened:
1) I wrote this in-depth post about the existence of God being proven by the amount of blue Skittles in every bag you buy from Walgreens but not Walmart when the space time continuum was torn asunder and Dolph Lundgren rode in on Battle Cat, causing my computer to shut down.
2) I was creating a step by step guide on how to survive the next zombie invasion (which will be available on podcast sometime this year) when I decided, 'Eh, eff it, I'd rather have a Tastykake'.
3) The Gnu Zoo review was coming right at me.
There are about 100 bonus points for the first person that can properly explain the last reference.
In the mean time, I will take the title of 'bad blog poster' and make up for it during my version of the weekend.
Til then . . .
Monday, December 27, 2010
I'm Done with Being Grown-Up
So, after nine years of working in a call center and six years of working retail, I've decided one thing: working a job you don't like (which according to my family comes with being a grown up) sucks.
So, I've decided to remedy this situation by becoming famous. Now, I'm not talking like writing letters to a famous movie actress to see if she likes how I've mowed my yard and buy a rifle when she doesn't respond, or invent medicine to stop the common cold (science was never my strong point). Instead, I turn to you dear reader to help me with my goal of becoming famous so I can leave the call center/retail world. All I ask is that you do one of the following:
1) Go to craiglist and post an ad saying Bob needs to become famous to leave the call center/retail world so read his blog. If that doesn't work, then choose the male escort you normally get from craigslist and tell him all about it so he can tell all of his friends and clients. You know you're going to call him up any way, so do that . . . . I don't judge.
2) Pick up phone book. For those of you who have never seen one, grab the big yellow book some strange book fairy leaves on your door step when you're at work/school that you use for hiding your key/weed in. Start with the letter A. Dial the number listed. Tell them "Bob needs to become famous to leave the call center/retail world so read his blog!" and then hang up. While this may not help my own goals of becoming famous, look at the notoriety you'll gain for being known as the weirdo who called up his entire city and yelled some strange saying at every one who answered. Especially your old Aunt Sally who thought the government was coming to take her away, so she barricaded herself in her room at the nursing home (a la Les Miserables) and started singing World War I songs to keep the 'Krauts' away.
3) Call up the White House at 202-546-1414. When you get to the switch board, ask for Bernice. When you get Bernice on the line, tell her "Bob needs to become famous to leave the call center/retail world so read his blog!" Then promptly hang up. Do this again about 10 more times an hour until federal officers come to your door. Next, contact your local media outlets and tell them of the big news story happening at your house. Finally, make a t-shirt that says "Bob needs to become famous to leave the call center/retail world so read his blog" so that way the local and national news will be able to help spread the word. THAT, my friend, is advertising you can't begin to pay for.
So, here are the options to help out. Any effort in this is greatly appreciated. I'm looking at achieving fame by January 1, so that way I don't have to go into work on New Years Day with a hangover.
So, I've decided to remedy this situation by becoming famous. Now, I'm not talking like writing letters to a famous movie actress to see if she likes how I've mowed my yard and buy a rifle when she doesn't respond, or invent medicine to stop the common cold (science was never my strong point). Instead, I turn to you dear reader to help me with my goal of becoming famous so I can leave the call center/retail world. All I ask is that you do one of the following:
1) Go to craiglist and post an ad saying Bob needs to become famous to leave the call center/retail world so read his blog. If that doesn't work, then choose the male escort you normally get from craigslist and tell him all about it so he can tell all of his friends and clients. You know you're going to call him up any way, so do that . . . . I don't judge.
2) Pick up phone book. For those of you who have never seen one, grab the big yellow book some strange book fairy leaves on your door step when you're at work/school that you use for hiding your key/weed in. Start with the letter A. Dial the number listed. Tell them "Bob needs to become famous to leave the call center/retail world so read his blog!" and then hang up. While this may not help my own goals of becoming famous, look at the notoriety you'll gain for being known as the weirdo who called up his entire city and yelled some strange saying at every one who answered. Especially your old Aunt Sally who thought the government was coming to take her away, so she barricaded herself in her room at the nursing home (a la Les Miserables) and started singing World War I songs to keep the 'Krauts' away.
3) Call up the White House at 202-546-1414. When you get to the switch board, ask for Bernice. When you get Bernice on the line, tell her "Bob needs to become famous to leave the call center/retail world so read his blog!" Then promptly hang up. Do this again about 10 more times an hour until federal officers come to your door. Next, contact your local media outlets and tell them of the big news story happening at your house. Finally, make a t-shirt that says "Bob needs to become famous to leave the call center/retail world so read his blog" so that way the local and national news will be able to help spread the word. THAT, my friend, is advertising you can't begin to pay for.
So, here are the options to help out. Any effort in this is greatly appreciated. I'm looking at achieving fame by January 1, so that way I don't have to go into work on New Years Day with a hangover.
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